


The Baggins Agenda

by SaturnineAgent, Tiwaz



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: AKA Coping with Grief, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bilbo and Thorin just can't communicate, Except Some Hobbits, F/M, Family Issues, Gen, Hobbit Courting, Ignoring The Proper Tolkien Timelines, M/M, Multi, Murder Mystery, Primula Survived But Drogo Died, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 13:57:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10388211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaturnineAgent/pseuds/SaturnineAgent, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiwaz/pseuds/Tiwaz
Summary: When the latest unsavoury rumour circulates in Hobbiton is about the possible nature of the relationship between two cousins, Bilbo Baggins of Bag End is finally resolved to abandon his bachelorhood and enter the society, much to the chagrin of mentioned cousin and her son. What he expected was meddling relatives, annoying matchmakers and unimpressive prospects. What he didn't expect was Thorin Oakenshield before his front door.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this particular fic has gone through two laptop crashes, which the latter one completely deleted the WHOLE thing. Now it has ressurected but only has traces of it's former life. This story was plotted on while watching hours of Jane Austen movies along with some good old Agatha Christie/Midsomer Murders episodes 
> 
> (The title was once 'Don't you give me a reason, that it's not the right season' taken from the lyrics to the song 'Froot' by Marina and the Diamonds, but it was too damn long and when speaking to Maggie (the wonderful Avelera) we got awfully attached to this new title and-- bluh bluh I can't re-tell a story, the point is that I blame her <3)

_Michel Delving, Astron 16th, 1347_

 

_Dear Bilbo._

   
_I’m amazed over your letter, frankly it astonished me greatly! Who would have guessed that the notorious bachelor of Bag End is going to settle down at last, but not only that, asking me personally to help him achieve this?_

_Naturally I’m happy for your new resolve but cannot suspect that it has something to do with the unsavory remarks on your personal relationship with dearest Primula. I shall not repeat them as I find them most offensive and they are not deserved to be written down with my newly acquired quill. But if you are determined then I will aid you, I’d rather choose a potential spouse than letting you be led into a marriage with too many consequences! I’ll give you some prospects after I’ve made some polite inquiries, for I have to say it myself that I am an excellent matchmaker! Do not let our mutual cousin try to waver you into a terrible decision, Otho has always been a dreadful chooser; I mean, just look at his wife! (Not that he was such a prize to begin with!)_

_Please come soon to Michel Delving and join in the delights of the season, and I shall introduce you to possible candidates._

   
_Yours affectionately,_

_Begonia Sackville._

 

Bilbo let out a sigh of relief he hadn’t know he had in him and folded the letter back, and put it into the drawer along with his other more personal correspondences. There it would be out of sight from both his cousin and their housekeeper. Primula had always since childhood been too curious for her own good, and Mrs. Puddifoot too indulgent on satisfying that curiosity. Therefor any letters of real importance was to be hidden from prying eyes, behind a smart lock built into the drawer. He thanked his mother for that foresight when she had the writing desk commissioned for his father, and he would bet his best waistcoat that it came from the ill-experience of having too many siblings.

He ought to write back as soon as possible, the sun was still high and a walk to the local post office would be refreshing but he felt unsociable. To stand there among other curious hobbits would be annoying because then he would need to be polite and make smalltalk.

After the latest rumour he felt no mood in indulging their notion!

To think that he and Primula would have a _relationship_? Absurd.

He had come back to the Shire in an unrespectable manner, been on an equal unrespectable adventure but there was a line on what to whisper about him behind his back. Primula and he are nothing but first-cousins, the rumour was disrespectful since a relationship like that is not done ever! Also, Primula is a widow, mourning her dead husband, whom had been his _second-cousin._

He may be a bit scandalous now, but that doesn’t mean that they can just cook up any sort of rumour and plant it on him as they pleased.

Maybe he is… Over-reacting? Considering a marriage could be over the top, but he saw no other solution. Primula is a headstrong hobbit, and he likewise, but there was one sensitive part in Bag End whom he wished to see avoid it all.

Frodo.

His young ward did not need to hear the whispers of an illicit affair happening right under his nose, he was too young and have not long since lost his father. Certainly, he’s a child but that didn’t mean that he has no ears or mind of his own. It had been too many moments during the market where some ill-mannered comments were spoken above his head. They could not keep it away from him forever. The rumours about his father’s accident was already too much of a burden for a small body to bear.

The hobbit shuddered in his seat and fretted over the idea of the small child suddenly hating him. It had taken long to accept his presence, despite inviting them in. A fauntling living in his home was still hard to get used to, but he would be a liar if he denied loving the child.

So in hindsight, it was not for himself nor Primula. It was for Frodo’s sake he was going to marry some silly hobbit stupid enough to look over his many faults. Then they could live together without anyone pointing of fingers or wagging their tongues. He was no fool, it would take some persuasion to make his possible future spouse accept the fact the they would be living with his newly acquired family. Then again, hobbits had the tendency to live in close proximity, he feared no complaints.

Primula, of course, hated the idea. She herself would not marry, but as long as the speculations on her late husband’s death existed, she would have a hard time finding a suitor. Also, her heart still was with Drogo, Bilbo was sure of it.

 

And Bilbo… Well, he had accepted that his heart would never be welcomed by the one he truly loved and had made peace with it.

 

“Master Baggins.” A knock on his door to announce her presence, and then his housekeeper entered his study at his nod. “Missus Primula and young Frodo has returned from their travel to Buckland.”

Mrs. Puddifot was a robust woman, with a shrewd sense and good judgement, which were the basis Bilbo had hired her for. She and Primula had become excellent friends during the two years of her employment and Bilbo’s nerves had been stilled. For as much as he loved Frodo, the child was a pageant for making messes in their home and Primula had been used to the life in Brandybuck Hall, surrounded by family and servants and was not used to look after children. Frankly, both of them were unsuited to properly raise Frodo and this is where Mrs. Puddifoot came in good handy. Although she was only hired to be a housekeeper, she had excelled in taking care of the young child where both Primula and Bilbo had failed.

  
Bilbo swiftly made a note on his letter to Begonia on the need of a suitor who understood children, then spoke to the housekeeper.

  
“That was awfully fast, I thought they would be there atleast one week more!” He remarked and rose from his seat to greet the homecomers, while pondering why the woman before him fidgeted rather uncharacteristically.

  
“It seems, Master Baggins.” She told quietly when he was near enough. “That there have been a discussion between siblings that made the trip shorter.”

  
Bilbo closed his eyes in resignation while taking a deep breath. This was not good news, and he hoped that the alteration between his cousins had not been too deep this time. Then he smiled reassuringly to his employer.

  
“I beg your pardon Mrs. Puddifoot,this was going to be your week off and you have no obligation to postpone it because they came home earlier.” The woman only shook her dark locks and gave a reassuring smile which lit up her round face.

  
“No need, it’s not your fault that it happened and Frodo needs me if his mother is in a fit right now. Also I need to shop for a bigger meal now that they’re home. Just raise my salary a little bit for this week.” Bilbo scoffed a laugh and passed her by while assuring her that her salary would be raised. Shrew woman indeed!

  
“Uncle Bilbo!” The uncle in question huffed as his middle was assaulted by the small, but very strong body that had collided with him. The little child in question only laughed as he hugged the older hobbit. “We’re back!”

  
“Yes, yes, I can see that!” Bilbo feigned annoyance but hugged the child back nevertheless “Where’s your mother?”

   
“Mum’s in the big room having a smoke!” Oh dear. Bilbo gave a glance to Mrs. Puddifoot who swiftly catched it and started to talk to the child, encouraging him to accompanying her to the market to buy groceries. The lad was excited with the idea and full of energy so he released his uncle who could sneak away to see where his cousin had gone. He found her in the parlour where she sat in the best chair, while puffing erratically on her pipe. The older hobbit  took a stand by the entrance and waited until the front door opened and closed, his housekeeper had swiftly taken the happy lad out from the smial, as if a storm was behind her. Another time he would have been humoured by the sight of her rushing out like that, but now he was concentrating on how to handle his irate relative and confidant.

“You know, we have a room for that.” Bilbo pointed at the direction towards the Smoking Room on which Primula scoffed at, smoke erupting from her mouth as she did that. She looked very alike an annoyed dragon, her dark curls glued onto her sweaty forehead and her dress was rumpled which betrayed the state of the journey. It had been done in haste, no doubt, and done in anger.

  
“You have put the nice pipeweed here, so don’t trick me into go in there where you have put Southlinch to spite me.” She argued while patting the wooden box containing his finer leaf as if to make a point.

  
“You’re acting like a child.”

  
“Haven’t I heard _that_ before.” Bilbo almost threw his arms up but stopped himself and instead walked over to the firemantle to fetch his own pipe and gave a small glare to the portrait of his mother.

It was afterall her side of the family which had produced Primula, who now hogged his leaf-box for all her worth. Thankfully there was a pouch containing Southern Star on the mantle as well, so he stuffed his pipe and then lit it. Primula still hadn’t said a word, she only brooded and smoked. He took a drag of smoke then decided to break the ice.

  
“So, is Rory doing well-” He could not finish his question as the woman hissed loudly and threw her tinderbox in a fit.

  
“Rorimac and his bloody wife can rot in sour earth for all I care!” She slumped herself further into the soft cushion of the armchair and glared into the cold coals in the hearth.

  
“I take it as the trip didn’t go well then.”

  
“It was just as delightful as having a big fat dollop of mud stuck in your foot-hair, Rory can take one of his bloody oars and shove it where the sun doesn't shine!”

   
“So it’s all your brother’s fault?”

  
“More his wife’s…” Primula rumbled around the pipe and Bilbo scoffed. It was no secret that she loathed her sister-in-law, but he had hoped that the relationship between the Brandybucks would have been better with this small visit. Suddenly he felt eyes on him and saw that Primula was busy squinting her blue eyes at him, as if trying to find a fault.

   
“Where’s your morning robe you always walk around in? Have you been sprucing yourself up?” Bilbo hoped he had finally outlived the age of blushing and gave her a haughty look.

  
“Am I not allowed to wear decent clothing?”

   
“If I didn’t know any better, I would suspect that you’ve been making plans. Tell me, _dear cousin mine_ , is there something I should be aware of?”

   
“You’re taking your anger out on me.” Bilbo stated and walked over to the window to look outside and watch the weather. A reasonable excuse so he didn’t need to look at the brooding hobbit.

   
“I’m just asking in case I will be in the way!” Primula almost shouted and continued “You have been rather secretive lately, with all your letters and sudden visits, and your latest agenda which was to send your favourite cousin and your nephew away to the biggest idiots in Buckland!”

   
“I did not send you away.” Bilbo turned away from his gazing and hissed at the upset nightmare hogging his armchair. “I merely suggested it, you made the decision and went there!”

   
“I can find another accommodation if we’re so bothersome-.”

   
“Fine!” He would later curse himself for falling for her petty ways, but he did not need this sort of commotion when his nerves were already frazzled to begin with. “I’m expecting company, and it was going to be private but I can handle a change of plans.” Primula looked gobsmacked enough to let her pipe fall from her open mouth.

   
“You’re expecting-” She wheezed a bit as if the word was hard to pronounce. “ _Company_?”

   
“Can’t I invite guests over in my own home anymore?”

   
“Who is this person?” He almost felt his hackles rising by the indignant tone as if she was no longer his cousin, but his mother inquiring his life.

   
“A possible suitor.” He answered in a nonchalant tone. “We have corresponded and decided to talk over tea. She will be here soon and we are to be acquainted in a private environment. That was the plan, but I hope she’s understanding enough to understand the situation. Otherwise I’ve wasted good paper on her.”

 

Primula was still as a statue, and for a moment Bilbo worried if she was breathing all together until she spoke in a timid voice.

   
“So you’re truly going to go through this?” Her bottom lip trembled a bit and the pipe was long discarded. Her former anger gone as if it had never been there at all. “Can’t we just wait until everything has blown over?”

   
Bilbo sighed and raked his fingers through his unruly hair he had tried to tame for the last half hour to no avail. With another situation he would have ignored it, but this time he worried and wondered if not his seclusive ways and eccentric behaviour was damaging in the end. No, he needed to go back into the societal expectations and the fastest way was to get married. Also, a part of him had wondered if it wouldn’t be best to settle down in order to soothe his broken heart as well.

   
“Not this time Prim.” He turned his head around to stare from the window again just to avoid the heartbreaking look on her face. She could be awfully dramatic at times, but it still affected him nevertheless.

   
“But it would be a loveless marriage. Wouldn’t you want to live instead with someone who loves you, not your name and position?” Bilbo laughed despite his better judgement, his cousin could be so idealistic too. But it was no surprise as she had been happily married to a hobbit she loved, gained a child and then had the misfortune to lose that life-partner all too soon. It was bound that her heart was aching to see a happy marriage for her older cousin, whereas Bilbo only hoped for a mutual arrangement where they had firm lines.

   
He had never been romantic to begin with, why start now?

   
“That has already passed and will not happen.” He chuckled, a dry sound even to his own ears “Besides! Wouldn’t you enjoy to play matchmaker? This is your only chance to do so.”

   
“I could move with Frodo back to Crickhollow, or sell it and buy a new home nearby!”

   
“Can’t you accept that I’m being selfish and doing this in order to keep you both here with me!” He burst out with feeling at the ridiculous idea. “Who cares if I might marry or not, the plan is in motion and is already being applauded by the rest of Hobbiton. The sheer fact that I’m looking for a spouse is enough, and with some real luck I will not be needing to walk that aisle.”

   
“It’s still a huge risk!” Primula shouted and stood up from the armchair, her hands balled into fists that shook with anger. She was still as emotional as she had been as a fauntling those many years back when he used to babysit her. “What if you find yourself bound to someone, what then?”

   
“It’s better than to be alone.”

   
“Oh, Bilbo.” A hand made itself known between his shoulder blades, and had it not been for the familiarity of it he would have shrugged it off as he had always done when someone came too close in his personal space. The hobbit closed his eyes and allowed the hand to continue to stay where it was, this was the trademark of Primula, to be the only one able to sneak up on him and touch.

 

Especially after his adventure.

 

The hand moved over to his left shoulder, and rubbed at it. He gasped as this was a sensitive area and the hand stilled, but never left. Bilbo shook his head after a long moment and the hand left him, but the memory of it still burned on his skin.

A knock on the door made both of them jump and Bilbo stared at the other hobbit, suddenly regretting everything and hoped that it didn't show on his face. Primulas sharp jawline tightened and she put both of her hands on the sides of Bilbo's face in a reassuring manner.

  
“I'll get it.” She told with a firm tone of voice and squeezed his cheeks as of he was her child and not many years older than her. “I will greet this person and be polite, and I will stand by you while you're doing this charade.”

   
He let out a breath he didn't know had been stuck inside his chest for so long, and then glared half-hearted while she bravely smiled for his sake. A kiss on his forehead, and her hands and whole of her was gone to enter the hallway to open the door and greet the newcomer. The periwinkle dress fluttered in his peripheral vision and Bilbo straightened himself up, closed his eyes and took a calming gulp of air. It was only a matter of seconds, and then he would cordially greet his visitor and apologise for the sudden chaos. He would be the perfect Baggins again.

 

_He could do this._

 

“Thorin Oakenshield, at your service.”

 

_He could_ **_not_ ** _do this._

 

_♢End of Chapter One♢_

**Author's Note:**

> My partner in crime (Tiwaz, the bae) insisted that I just upload this chapter regardless my poor editing skills for which I will suffocate him with a pillow when I later have troubles sleeping due to anxiety. Any interest in beta-reading/editing future chapters are more than welcome and I will love you forever (hit me up either here or on sinisterfeline@tumblr)
> 
> <3
> 
> (Thank you so much for reading)


End file.
